This week's GAYLE award is 20 hours of post-traumatic counseling. Less for the Magnificent Bastard as it might tame either his magnificence or his bastardy; more for Lana as it might mean she might stop talking about Parent Crepe Suzette.

GAYest Look of the Episode (Gayle) -- Awarded by Omar in the recap to the little exchange in Clark's barn before they go out to look for the mighty Bo Kent. Although, I'm a little squicked by the idea that Clark checked out his own package.

Gayest Ambiguous Line (GAL) -- Overwhelmingly goes to Bo Kent for his Freudian slip about Nixon and Lex being in bed together. Bo, that lump with it's head under the covers is much taller than Nixon and looks a lot like your son.

HoNay! -- I must leave the dance. I'm doing it to rescue Lana. Not to avoid kissage with Chloe who's an actual girl. Right. HoNay.

Most PHallic Object Caressed (PHOC) -- to quote Beresford Lane "Clark with a rolled up map three feet long, six inches in diameter, holding it in his right hand and rubbing up and down it with his left?????? ... We're talking actual rubbage here, folks! Length plus girth plus rubbage! And if that's not enough, it wasn's just any old map, it was Lex's map!" Works for me folks. Usually I'd give honorable mention to Bo's pipe, Lex's gun, and Nixon's lever, but I have a really hard time thinking about Nixon and anything phallic.

Smallville's WOrst LIne (SWOLI) -- So many choices: "There's more to Clark Kent than meets the eye."..."What are you part-bloodhound?"..."Forgiveness is not in his emotional LEXicon."...

Juvenile Epiphany (the Juvie) -- I'm following Siskodax's suggestion and giving it to Bo Kent, who may be over age, but still acts like a teenager (and don't you think Mama Kent's happy about that?) . After all, even Clark has learned not to run around telling people that he's super fast, can see through unleaded walls (what about cars that run on leaded gasoline?), can lift small buildings, etc...

Platitude of the Week (the Platypus) -- In an upset (have we ever given this to anyone other than Bo Kent?), this goes to Nixon's, "The people have a right to know."

Working!Gaydar -- Mama Kent is so happy that her son-in-law is getting along with her husband.

HUG -- See Flowers below. Because it squicks me so much that I don't want to type it twice.

Men at Work -- Quoting Scarlett 007 " It's a crypt people - not Nosferatu's country house!! What was with the murals and candelabras and urns?!" And why were there still candles there?

Occasionals:

The Acting!Lana -- Miss Lang was not sucked into the acting vortex (tm Omar) this week. So, OK. But no more Ms. Nice Fabrisse. That upper lip WILL move, do you hear me?

The Yea! I finally have something to Do! -- Mama Kent gets to play matchmaker and exposition fairy. It would be nice to give this to Pete once in awhile.

The Diddler -- Clark jumping on to Lana's back. But only because, in that position, she reminded him of Lex.

The DICK -- Clark in a tux at the hospital. (are we playing Clue?)

The LEXUS -- Clark saved Lana again. Will that boy never learn?

The DRILL -- Everybody seemed to like Lex with the gun. I prefered bleeding Lex, but majority rules. Dammit.

The Dry-Mouthed Fabrisse -- I'm adding this one for characters who don't look magnificently hot every week. This week going to both Lex's and Clark's daddies. Bo Kent has obviously been exposed to some interesting meteor rock, because he's actually looking younger than he did last year. And who'd have thought that a shirtless Lionel Luthor could make me forget my own name like that.

The PSHAW -- This one is a coin flip. I call heads. It's tails. So, nope.

The Big Cheese -- "Super Mom" Seriously folks, we nearly gave an episode with this line a PSHAW. This is bad.

The Arglefuffle -- Apparently Bo Kent's plangent cry into the wind was what? who can tell? "Dastard" was one interpretation.

The Flowers... -- Goes to the Kent men in an upset. A really creepy upset with Bo's hands all over Clark while Lex looks on. *shudder*

The CUDDLE -- to a tornado?

The BIG -- Apparently death bed confessions seem gay to most of you. Who knew. So, Bo Kent come and get it for telling that reporter everything about your very special son. Honorable mention for the pink mobile home seeking out Bo and Nixon.

The BLOW -- To Nixon's "You poor, deluded hick." He's just summed up what we've all been thinking about Bo Kent for the past year. Especially if he thinks his pretty son's not getting in on with the pretty billionaire. Although it was nominated I can't give this to "You've go the most amazing being on earth doing chores on your farm," because neither we nor Bo Kent have actually seen Lex helping with the chores.

The Hammer -- Although many of you liked the spaceship ravioli riff that runs throughout, I must give it to the joy Omar felt in seeing John Glover in the opening credits. Because I felt exactly the same way.