This week's GAYLEs are Comic Books. I wanted to give Bo Kent Swamp Thing, but Superman appears in some of them. All of the books mentioned below are Superman free. Which means no Nightwing. Dammit.

GAYLE -- For once, Omar agreed with us (and I do mean us, I found only one other suggestion for the GAYLE and that was between Bo and the kid so, squick.), it's the long lingering look that Lex gives Clark after Clark asks him to stay. Of course they're not in a relationship, they're just in love.

GAL -- Clark asking Lex to stay. I've seen large screen sex scenes that had less passion than that one simple line. Honorable mention to Ryan's "Clark told me all about you." Though, Clark, he's too young for you to tell him all about Lex. Lastly, Lionel asked Lex if he'd found his future in Smallville. Doesn't that sound like something out of a Victorian Romance?

HoNay! -- After Lana kisses Ryan, Clark says "join the club," which would have been far more effective if the editor hadn't then cut to a shot of Lex. I like the editor.

PHOC -- Lex gave his friend a sword. As my friend Twistie said, "Nothing Freudian about that at all." And Clark kept swishing and stroking it. While we're in the neighborhood, why was Lionel holding blue balls? And were they supposed to indicate his or Lex's? On second thought, forget I asked. :::shudder:::

SWOLI -- "Join the Club." I'd rather hit him with one; it might knock some sense into Clark. Angel!Clark saying "You're safe now" while surrounded by a nimbus of blinding light also received many nominations. Honorable mentions to Chloe for her completely inappropriate Kaspar Hauser reference and to Ryan for saying Clark doesn't know what it's like to hide abilities from the world while staring at Clark's space pod.

The Juvie -- A girl likes me? Ick! Poor Clark. Honorable mention to Ryan for noticing that Clark "really likes" Lex.

The Platypus -- Clark channeled Coma! Bo Kent to receive this one for, "I like to believe the best of people."

Working!Gaydar -- Chloe gets this for figuring out Clark's foil is from their "favorite billionaire playboy," (anyone else want to know when Chloe's played with Lex?) and offering herself as a poor man's substitute for when Lex leaves. Honorable mention to Ryan for his snitty and obvious jealousy of Lex, though I wouldn't have been so forgiving if Lex hadn't been so amused by it.

HUG -- For once the hugs really were brotherly. And since most of them were between Clark and Ryan, I'm really happy about that.

BIG -- In our world, drinking Ty Nant qualifies. Yea! Bottle fellatio. And Clark chasing after Lex at the Talon to apologize for Ryan's rudeness made many of us wonder whether he did it on his knees.

Occasionals:

The Acting! Lana -- The raucous laughter tells me that it's a no.

Yea! I Finally Have Something to Do! -- Goes to Martha the ever maternal.

No! They Cut Me Out Entirely! -- I hope that this one is never awarded again, but Whitney and Pete were conspicuously absent. Dammit.

The Diddler -- The rescue of Lex and Ryan, though I'm still trying to figure out how ESD survived the bowling ball to the chest.

The DICK -- Toolbelt!Clark was nearly unanimous. Except for those who thought the look of longing on his face after he told Lex, "For what it's worth, I hope you stay," should get it. Or the people who liked Clark as a big brother playing basketball. I'm divided myself.

The DRILL -- merlin7 mentioned that Lex facing off against his dad at the end was really hot. Most people went with Suit!Lex getting out of the limo. I have no opinion since, when I look at Lex, I undress him with my eyes.

The LEXUS -- "I know, I'll be really stealthy and rip the lining out of the boy's backpack in front of Chloe." Clark, that was just DUMB. My favorite nomination was Pouncer pointing out that Ryan reading Lana's mind was completely pointless. Not to mention the creepy breakfast scene.

The PSHAW -- Much controversy, enough that I think we'll have to say, "Close, but no," to the writers this week. Apparently many of us are so lactose intolerant that this level of cheese is just too much. Or as Cyb so inimitably put it, "Perhaps Smallville Hired A Writer, but not the best writer they could find."

BLASST -- Hydraulic fluid spewing and flowing through Clark's fingers. Hmm, wonder why this was a shoe-in?

The Big Cheese -- Due to the "Warrior Angel" riff this week, the French are considering raising the prices on their cheese exports so that Smallville will leave some for domestic consumption.

The Arglefuffle -- I'm a little worried about siskodax. When Clark told Ryan he was "kind of rude," our fellow TWoPer heard it as "kind of lewd."

The Flowers... -- The mutual mocking, the weird games with leather gloves, the blue balls and blue bottles oh, yes, these two need some serious therapy. And that's just the actors. Points to Soapy for reminding us of Lionel's remark, "Your performance was more than....adequate." Anyone else need to shampoo their brain after that?

The CUDDLE -- Aw, he's just a kid. Who annoyed the spit out of me. All right, he can have the CUDDLE, but no more from Clark, OK?

BLOW -- There was one nomination for "We would have ended up hating each other. My father would have seen to that." Most nominations went to either "Dad, games are all we've got," said with MR's inimitable delivery, or, even better, "There are other things I've waited longer to hear." Just Wow. So either way Lex gets the BLOW, which I suspect is just how he likes it.

And the Hammer goes to: "He picks at one of Lex's papers on the desk and Lex takes it back. This whole scene has little moments like that, where the actors are playing off each other with props and having fun with the scene. Contrast that with any Lana scene where it seems like a struggle for her just to keep her mouth moving." I wish I'd said that.