In honor of the flamingness of the episode, this week's GAYLEs are Flaming Desserts. Sorry, kstanley I couldn't find a recipe for the cheesy Greek one. But let's all shout "Opa" anyway in honor of this entire flaming cheese fest.

I'm really mad though I found the perfect thing for Lionel. Cafe Brulot Diabolique is hot, spicy, and flaming with an undercurrent of dark bitterness. And then he wasn't in the episode.

Gayle -- Awarded by Omar in the recap to "It is the dark side of the Gayest Look of the Episode. Jealousy?" Clark's little moment when Lex walks right by him to Mesmerelda (tm Mary Ellen Curtin's kids the Future of Fandom and the Distant Future of Fandom). And let's not forget Lex's patented full body check of Clark while Clark's checking out the new Mrs. Luthor. Hmmmm, do you think Lex was trying to use her for bait? And for all you femslash fans, the sweet look between Lana and Chloe when they agree not to fight over Clark was a definite contender.

GAL -- Lex looking deeply at Clark and saying, "You just know when something's right." Or maybe, Lex looking deeply at Clark and saying, "She said she was there to save me." And then there's Lex looking deeply at Clark and saying, "I hope you'll say, yes." Or Desiree telling Lex that Clark's part of his past is good. My favorite? Clark looking meanly at Desiree and saying, "I'll get through to Lex somehow." What's sub about that text?

HoNay! -- Lex married a woman. However, the wedding was pink, purple, and silver with little crystal penes (wait, they're supposed to be icicles?) hanging all over the place. So, really, no -- not this week.

PHOC -- Lex himself as he was rubbed by Clark. Honorable mention to the pool cue, Bo Kent's shotgun, and of course the bald masturbation dummy with the stick up it's ass -- which ended up flaming. Why am I giving out individual awards for this episode?

SWOLI -- When Lex says "Relationships based on lies are doomed to fail," it's poignant. When Lana says it in this episode, it's a SWOLI nomination. And yet, we still give her an Acting!Lana (see below). However, the real winner in this category goes to Chloe's "Yeah, that's me, cupid's cannon fodder." Or should it be "Smallville's canon fodder?"

The Juvie -- Well, it can't be that Lex has sex with girls, because Rent-a-Ho got there before either Victoria or Desiree (by the way, Lex? Try not dating girls with romance novel names. It could help.). It could be Chloe's some people have chemistry and some don't. But I think it's Clark's realization that with Lex, it's true love. Really, I swear it's in the episode somewhere.

The Platypus -- Chloe's "Where there's smoke there's fire." You call it an aphorism; we call it a platitude. PotAYto, PotAHto.

Working!Gaydar -- To Chloe and, maybe, Lana for "Lucky for us, Clark Kent isn't attracted to some members of the opposite sex." Actually, maybe it should go to Desiree as several people suggested. The look on her face when Clark turns her down in the romantically lit barn certainly suggested a slow dawn of certainty. And rivalry.

HUG -- Remembering the illustration given at the beginning of the episode by the mating lions (credit to Thamiris in her livejournal), Clark jumps on Lex's back embracing him in a red table cloth. Clark then roles Lex onto his crispy back and instead of yelling obscenities at the pain, Lex gives him such a smile of post-coital bliss that I found myself reaching for a cigarette. I was stopped only by the fact that I don't smoke.

BIG -- As Cyb so graphically describes: Clark was looking at sperm the first time he expresses his Ejacupyromania (tm Omar) and talking about Lex the second time.

Occasionals:

The Acting!Lana -- Yes. She's awarded a dish of Vanilla ice cream. All right, there can be some warm chocolate sauce for her scenes with Chloe.

The Yea! I finally have something to Do! --Ma Kent again for her spectacular slapdown of Lex.

The Diddler -- Well, Cyb suggested Clark could use his heat vision to warm massage oil. I think that counts. Of course, we actually see Clark using his power to light candles in case Lex comes by later while Clark's parents are gone, and they need some mood lighting.

The DICK -- Clark in that beautifully tailored suit that matched Lex's. Which of course, Lex just happened to have lying around the house in case he was going to plan a wedding in under 48 hours. Or possibly plan a wedding in Vermont. Honorable mention to Clark's biceps in the scene where he's trying to track Mesmerelda on the internet. And for those of you who are bondage fetishists, let's not forget that he was handcuffed.

The LEXUS -- Bo has long had "my son, the carjack." Now, Martha has "my son, the trivet." It's just wrong. Some of you thought that singeing the succubus should get it, but anything that kept her from getting away was probably a good idea.

The DRILL -- I'm with Omniscient on this one, it should go to " The big adorable grin in the calling-Des-on-trying-to-kill-him scene." Honorable mentions include Dressed-for-his-Wedding!Lex; Lex's lips in close-up for some really gorgeous kissing; Lex rolling around on the floor with an ecstatic look on his face; Lex playing pool; Lex looking at Clark; Lex breathing.

The PSHAW -- It's hard to say. If you think the ultra-slash humor was deliberate, then this was an extremely well written episode. If you think it wasn't, then it stank. So, boys and girls, flip your own coin (or light your own dessert) over this one.

BLASST -- The spurt effects. It really didn't look like it was coming from his eyes. And let's not forget the Jiffy Pop that knows when sex is being discussed; the champagne bottle that pops when it sees Lex (well that's how I interpret it);

The Big Cheese -- "Opa!" this goes to the entire episode. What, the episode wasn't a post-Smallville reference? I still think this award has been made appropriately.

The Arglefuffle -- alere flammas heard Bo Kent say: "Three words, electric bill." Alejandra DD wanted to know what "It seems to me that I have an atticus for my husband who I don't know in six hours" means. We don't know, but we do know that she hadn't had a kiss from her husband in at least six hours. And Clark did not say "Get goat" when Bo pulled the shotgun on Lex. Really.

The Flowers... -- As Bo Kent sees the bald masturbation dummy he made for Clark burst into flame, he pours a little RC cola on his Moonpie and tries to light it in celebration. There's something really wrong about that smirk at Clark's ability to spurt on cue. Or Lex, which ever's closer.

The CUDDLE -- Lex already gave her this which means that we don't have to. Nyah.

The BLOW -- "Hello, I'm Clark, I'm the kid who can lift tractors and see through walls." It's all in Tom Welling's believably teenaged delivery. I also adored Chloe's, "I'm sorry Clark, we didn't have time to bake a file into a cake."

The Hammer -- As overwhelmingly wonderful as Omar G.'s, the boss of me, recap was, I have to split it with Wing Chun this week for my favorite exchange: " We cut to a champagne bottle being opened and the liquid shooting out in a gust. Okay, look, people. I am not making this stuff up. What am I supposed to do with that, huh? You've actually got me worried that I'm going to offend Wing Chun with all this and that she's going to thing I'm making the show more sexual than it is. For once, I'm not!"
"Yes, I'll have to get in five extra hours of Bible study this week to make up for offending God with what I'm reading here." -- Wing Chun