1/2 oz Bacardi Orange
3/4 Absolut
1/2 Midori or Melon
1/4 Blue Curracao
Pineapple, 7up and a splash of OJ

If it sounds too sweet for you just replace the Pineapple with sour mix.

Please note that the creators of this drinking game are in no way responsible if, after watching Smallville and participating in this game, you go out completely piss-faced and run over some sweet grandmother or hit someone's valuable 500 year old oak tree with your SUV.  Or do anything else really, really stupid.  Play responsibly!

• The Villain of the Week actually SAW Clark running fast or lifting a truck or whatever, because said Villian's days-- nay, minutes-- are clearly numbered

• Clark doesn't realize that the Villain of the Week's green tint/ glow should be a dead giveaway to be wary

• In tribute to Glenn Ford, raise your glass whenever Bo Duke is onscreen

• Chloe snarks

• You spot any dialogue that cannot be described in any other manner except as "Williamsonian"

• Lana mentions, all pained, that her parents died in a meteor crash. Sip only!!! Otherwise you'd have alcohol poisoning after every episode.

For Lex, the Luthors and Victoria:

• You scream in terror at Victoria's gigantic boobies
  [I recommend jello shots.-- Fabrisse]

• Victoria speaks and you automatically hear "Arglefluffle"

• You find yourself wondering how Enrique will react to something

• A scene at Luthor Manor begins at crotch level

• A reference is made to the castle being brought over stone-by-stone from Scotland

• Lex fondles a pool cue

• Lex has visible stubble

• Lex swaggers

• Lex says something that makes you rewind the tape during the commercial break 

• Lex has an alcoholic beverage in hand

• Lex drives like he's in the General Lee

• Lex insinuates himself into a scene or milieu otherwise inhabited entirely by high school students

Clark:

• uses a superpower in a 'clever' way

• is not wearing a red or blue shirt/sweater/flannel

• looks at his green and veiny hand in complete incredulity

• looks mildly constipated by being affected (again) by the eeeeeeeevil Kryptonite rocks

• stands up for Lex against a diss from Bo Kent (stand by your man, Clark!)

• uses superfastrunning for non-superhero emergencies

• is "only" making "deliveries" to the Luthor mansion. Suuure. 

• says "Hey, wasn't that about the same time as the meteorite shower?"

• feels guilty over Lana's parents

• spies on Lana through the telescope

• says to the Villain-of-the-Week: "I won't let you harm her/ him/ them!"

Lana:

• Has a stalker

• Has a "deep" hobby or thought but remains expressionless anyway (Dr. Zhivago, anyone?)

• Starts whining about her parents, and in your head you hear Miss Windy's Meteor Killed The Langs By Their Car (take an additional drink if you sing it out loud)

• Looks down and PRETENDS to be considering something before looking up smiling and just saying "yeah" or "sure"

The Kents:

• The Kents convene around the kitchen island

• Bo Kent fondles a farm implement

• A Kent frets about whether Clark will be OK (he's Superman, remember!?)

• Bo Kent booms that Clark can't do something because he's not like the other boys

• Annette O'Toole appears and you hear Sean Kelvin's line "Is that your mom? She's hot!" in your head

Chloe or Pete:

• Chloe gives one of her bright, sunny grins

• Chloe figures out what's going on with the mutant of the week before anyone else

• Chloe talks about the "Wall of Wierd"

• Sneaky Pete attempts a one-liner, and it's jarringly unfunny

• Chloe uses the words "pom-pom brigade"

• Chloe gets in trouble for her snooping reporting

• Pete talks about "his women" which is hilarious because he could never get laid

Villain of the Week/ Guest Stars/ General Cast:

• A new, heretofore unheard of character gets more screen time than the regular cast

• Someone drives or falls into a lake or a pool

• Someone refers to Lex without using his name

• A kid calls someone else "dawg"

• A reference is made to what happened in a previous episode

• Coffee is mentioned or consumed

• The script makes a reference to the post-Smallville Superman universe

• Clark/ Lex say each other's names and make eye contact

Sets, props, and plot contrivances:

• A car crashes into something

• A crane shot is used

• A song by an obscure crap rock band is played while someone is driving a truck 

• A look pass between two characters and you are compelled to shriek, "That's the GAYLE right there!"

• Gratuitous WB franchise product placement ("That's all, folks!")

• You scream "Just kiss him already!" during a Clark/ Lex moment.

• You shout out at the television during an episode as though it could actually respond

• You become confused while watching an episode because you forget that the plotline you're thinking of was, in fact, actually in a fanfic and not a real episode

• Someone's car catches on fire, with two additional drinks if the car/ truck belongs to Whitney Fordman

• Clark discovers a new superpower

• A character blatantly ignores what happened in a previous episode (ie, the instant renovations on The Torch office)

• We are treated to F/X shot of Clark's "super-speed" where he's going the same speed as my grandma with a busted hip

• The episode trails off with some wistful crooning about how the heart is heroically standing for love or something

• Something on screen makes a non-Slashville friend have the epiphany that Lex and Clark have the hots for one another

• Clark gives his mega-watt smile

• Pete pats someone reassuringly on the shoulder

• Chloe is seen typing at her computer

• Lex tries to get Clark and Lana to hook up

• Lana's aunt is mentioned and then actually seen on screen during the ep

• The villain of the week is a female

• Lana talks to her dead parents directly

• Flannel!Clark and PinkSweater!Lana appear in a scene together

• Lex flirts with someone who's not Clark

• We get a shot of "The Beanery" sign

• You wish "I am Body Beautiful" was playing during a Clark/ Lex scene

• Nasty Nell slurs her R's

• Chloe gazes schmoopily at Clark

• A Clark/ Lex moment makes you squeal like a 13 year old girl (you're excluded if you actuallly are a 13 year old girl, in which case you shouldn't be playing this game in the first place!!)

• You can't help but grin back at a smiling character onscreen

• You realize that the episode is more than 15 minutes into runtime and there has been absolutely no detectable homoeroticism whatsoever

• You've spotted any member of the Smallville PD

• We see the Smallville Crows during an actual football game

• We see any sign that reads "Let's Go Crows!"

• Lionel Luthor makes an appearance
• The main guest star ISN'T a Kryptonite villain
• Lana's Kryptonite necklace is used as a plot contrivance
• Any of these kids are shown doing actual schoolwork
• Lana attempts to make her sob story even weepier ("My mom really didn't like cheerleading!!!")

• Whitney gets credit for saving Lana when it was actually Clark (it's the end of the episode for sure, anyway)
• The villain of the week doesn't die during the episode
• Pa Kent is seen actually labouring in the fields
• Lana actually displays a real human emotion
• A tongue-in-cheek comment is made about SneakyPete's swiftness with the ladies